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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Candy For Ninjas' LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, June 28th, 2006
10:00 pm
star shapped shin candy chokes slanty walls with fat aggression. it doesn't make my heart flutter like it used to though.
Monday, April 10th, 2006
12:49 am
A Rant...
Okay, so I saw this community and was like "great name and I sure love bad poetry, psychobabble, stream of consiousness and ranting" So here goes my rant:

I'm a Christian and I love God and that he has saved me and all that good jazz... But why than does he put such horrible people on this earth. I don't want to endure things to make me stronger, I just want him to be gone. I mean the bastard tried to strangle me, and the Christian sensibilities of those in charge of the campus group say "maybe it's a cry for help." Why do they humor him. He doesn't want help, at least not the Christian kind. He wants people to justify his rottenness by telling him that God loves him anyways, even though he is a mean, manipulative, hateful, cynical, arrogant asshole. Why are christians such pussies at times? Loving your brother can mean just as much not humoring his rotten ways and thus perpetuating them, as forgiving him. I've found some forgiveness, because in truth it did make me stronger and change me for the better, but what if it doesn't strengthen the next person. I see him still hurting people around him and getting a second, third... fiftieth chance. My brother was like this, too... he'd weasle his way into a church, "borrow" a guitar amp, or a bass guitar, and "lose"(pawn) it. (But he never hurt anyone) They knew, somewhere, what was going on... but their need to show unconditional love kept them from acting. God punishes His children out of love, why don't churches excommunicate more often... It's all so frustrating.

End rant. Okay, so I never got a real chance to just scream my feelings about all that until now... it happened a while back, but the evil guy still pops up from time to time(he failed out of school and mostly mooches off mommy and daddy full time, now; but in his mooching he has a new sports car, an x-box 360, and all the latest games for it, the spoiled brat). I dunno, I just needed to vent to an anonymous crowd.
Tuesday, August 2nd, 2005
4:52 pm
Bowel cancer is just another way of saying "endless constipation." Jan and I went to the beach only to find naked lesbians who thought we were the Indigo Girls. Unlike them, we were wearing bras. My mother force fed me store brand tacos. She wished she was Molly Ringwald. The male hooker said speaking Latin was a turn-on, so I spoke Greek during the castration. Robin raped Michael Keaton, but no one wanted to know. I buried my head in the sand and scorpions stung my eyeballs. Paramedics were bad at puns. My prothestic arm was made of silverfish bones; it blew away in the wind. My room was haunted, but the ghost only wanted my bowler hat. He jumpd out the window with my sock drawer. I wish he gave me someone to talk to. The end.
Sunday, July 3rd, 2005
2:53 pm
extra modest girls wear gift wrapped bibles
His rusted teeth break the skin
infecting the child
eating the woman
drinking the blood she spits out
of the dumb mouthed wounds
that move their lips only to softly groan.
His mechanized tounge
grates inside the mouths
kissing the tenderness with sharp stabs
Oh, and his knived fingers...
what soft caresses they bestow on her paper skin
Cutting out chains of babys breath
and lacing the strands into her body.

Current Mood: sigh'chotic
Thursday, March 10th, 2005
10:43 pm
I wish I was invisible
I wish I could walk among a crowd without being seen. Without being heard.
Just wandering, watching wistfully.
No one can see me.
but I see them
I want to see their souls.
What color they are.
How big they are.
How warm they are.
I want to charm something
charm it into oblivion,
then I'll see it float past when I get there.
Floating on and on
float on
live on
pass on

Does love really grow where his Rosemary goes?
Friday, October 1st, 2004
10:53 pm
If it's true that you are what you eat
Then I'm not often chicken and commonly sweet.
I'm tender and warm and juicy and rare
which explains just a little why I'm shaped like a pear.
If I'm apt to be piggish then it's likely I'm shredded
Though if it's one thing I'm never that is pigheaded.
Monday, August 30th, 2004
1:04 am
What's it like when you close your eyes?

When I was younger I spent summers
at the house of a family
of friends and we
went to the park almost every day

It was a big deal to swing first on the
swings and I would pump my legs
close my eyes
as hard as I could to beat
my best friend at the time and
the sun would make the inside
of my eyelids glow
and when I swung at the
same time
the world would
reel around me as if
I were in the center of the earth floating
as it wrenched suddenly from it's axis

sometimes I was scared I would fall off

I used to see images
God knows what they were
flashing fast and unpredictable
deep thoughts or things I knew that
I had never seen
wondered if I would someday
a very odd experience to be sure

I hung on
as long as I could but never
very long...

It was hard to stand that for more than 15 seconds at a time.
Sunday, August 29th, 2004
11:11 pm
Live long and prosper..
Drive fast and take chances..
Don't piss into the wind..
Eat shit and die slow..
I don't give a rats ass or a flyin fuck..
Madder than a skin head watchin the Jeffersons..
Harder than a villan..
Next time you wave, use all your fingers..
When flying kites with messages attached for God, make sure the string is tied tighty..
A procrastinator's work is never done..
I like kids, but I don't think I could eat a whole one..
If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut..
Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself..
To All You Virgins Thanks For Nothing..
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich..
See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time..
It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married..
Fight Crime: Shoot Back..
99.9% of aliens prefer Earth..
If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Do you think turtles would be happier creatures if they had wings?
Do you think the Egyptians would have liked Captain Crunch?
Tuesday, August 24th, 2004
2:35 am
One swift kick
to the face
One precise flight
into your eye
Two hard jabs
to your abs
into your house
I'm in your car seat
I bet you miss me
Saturday, August 14th, 2004
2:48 pm
Careful careful there's a trap
A hole amidst the brambles there
Obscured by brush stealth by design
The pit contains poky sticks
Unlucky passers may unwarned fall
Become impaled and caught within
Captured by the sticks and walls
The clever trap would be their tomb.
2:38 pm
I'll get drunk and forget about you
And you can just forget me
Running around the apt after a shot or two
You won't even know me

And then it won't be cheating
And then it won't be cheating
And then it won't be cheating if I'm someone else

I go out with a jacket catch a cold
And get a yeast infection
You can pick up girls all drunk and bold
If I don't pass inspection

And then it won't be cheating
And then it won't be cheating
And then it won't be cheating if I'm not myself

It doesn't matter who knows what
We can do whatever
Go ahead and take it up the butt
Cause we're just so goddamn clever

And then it won't be cheating
And then it won't be cheating
And then it won't be cheating if we never meant it
2:31 pm
We are pirates of the seven seas
We have no boat, yo ho, yo ho
It will not float, you know, you know
And we do just what we please
We cannot sail, yo ho, yo ho
We've tried and failed, you know, you know
Usually that's picnics by trees
Tea with scones, yo ho, yo ho
Shaped like bones, you know, you know
2:27 pm
I kinda hoped you would do something stupid
So I could get pissed at you
I'm not more disappointed in myself this time for that

Somehow it feels better to save up the trash
Let anger build like rotten smell
Finally taking care of it feels like an accomplishment

Yet another plan I made that you fucked up
You're really getting good at this
Makes you wonder when the shoe will drop and I'll just hit you.
Friday, June 18th, 2004
3:09 am
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Thursday, June 10th, 2004
1:21 am
I'm all fucked up inside
and I don't know how to do it right
Should I have sex with your memory or you?

I didn't want you around
love was better with you out of town
I felt guilty but what else was there for me to do?

You wanted sympathy
to find her somewhere inside of me
I never stood a chance, isn't that true?

I didn't know what to want
but I was more than confidant
Whatever I could want, of course you'd want it too?

Save me, help me find myself you said
I ate and believed every line you fed
Didn't you guess, once hooked, I'd bleed to help you through?

When we turned to mostly sex
I was bruised and I was vexed
My trust burned into questions, so I was always just a screw?

I was hardened by the change
but found it impossible to estrange
Can't I prove myself somehow and we'll start new?

I got kind of crazy then
frigidly tortured us for your deception
Did I even consider how much damage we could accrue?

This whole thing is so confusing
your memories are drugs that I'm abusing
Why didn't I just practice what I knew?

You'll know her now but not me
it's eating me inside so silently
What is it about me and not her that's so taboo?

Current Mood: artistic
Monday, June 7th, 2004
6:00 pm
Saturday, June 5th, 2004
12:30 am
I was always a melancholy child
writing poems about no Christmas presents
and everyone forgetting my name all at once
using up my vocabulary to feel sorry for myself
I don't know what else to do
besides feel sorry for myself

scrambled eggs frying in the frying pan

alarm clock deep within the bowels of the toilet ringing dutifully to wake up someone who's long forgotten it scatters silverfish to the four corners of the building

Curtains hanging open at awkward angles showing off the graffiti the drunk people painted on the walls while we slept naked in the cupboard you called your room

Pissing in the utility sink

Let's get married, life can't get any better than this.
Thursday, June 3rd, 2004
11:55 pm
*waves* Hi, I'm new.
You've soaked into me
Into evr'y nook and cranny
Every fibrous pore of me contains a dose or two of you
Dripping thickly off my skin
Clumping heavily onto my chair
And in my lap as I tie my shoes
Getting in my eyes and in my way
The gravy of your memory
Cooking up in my brain
Hot and juicy every morning
Available all day.

I am the French bread
The Au Jus of you is what makes me worth anything
The sauce in this plain Jeanette
Even as it breaks me down, leaving me
And dribbling off the plate
A delicious and salty mess in one corner of the paper plate
Slightly obscuring the pink flowers underneath me
Striped naked,
As I've been robbed of my red peppers.

In some parts of the world
I am a meal unto myself
I am the stuff life is made of
I am worshipped- they have fesitvals to me
I am the body of Jesus Fucking Christ.

In your absence I am a sloppy mess
Sinking deeper with the forces of gravity
Into the stinky abyss between the coffee grinds from a week ago
And the exploding milk carton.

I am delicious gooey goo.

Current Mood: confused
7:10 am
Great community
This is my first post here so I must mention 2 standards by which I live my life. 1. Do just enough not to get fired. 2. Play it dumb and dopey. Don't let them know your potential or it will bite you in the ass. No good deeds go unpunished. If you don't already know, you will. Just keep it up.
Sunday, May 23rd, 2004
4:29 pm
never been into poetry till now
i like you...i like you cause you’re weak. You know exactly when to shut-up, or be put in your place. i like you cause you’re in pain, you hurt a lot, and it just perpetuates your weakness. i like you. i like how you try so hard but are continually held down by the others. It’s like you’re being smoldered with a pillow, and yet can barely breathe. i like you. i like how ugly and repulsive looking you are and how it to adds to your weakness.
i like you...i like you because you want so bad to be loved, accepted, hailed. i like you . i like how never seem to retain any of life’s lessons and continually fuck-up. i like you and i like how you are destined to fail and there is nothing special or exceptional about you. like you. i like how you can never be the best at anything...never win...my heart bleeds for you everyday. i weep when i see you in your lonliness...i like you...

Current Mood: crappy
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